11 February 2018


This valentine’s, the day of love, relationships, sickly sweet messages and teddies stuffed within an inch of their lives, I’m going to be chatting about being single. And more importantly why I personally love it and how you can to if you should desire that.

Now, if you know me reasonably well you’ll know that I love love. I love being in love, having someone to love and being loved back just as much. I can’t deny that it’s a wonderful feeling and lord knows I’ve done some stupid ass things for love, but what I don’t understand is why there is so much stress put on finding love. There is the whole notion that females are pressured much more into finding someone to marry just so they can have a family and be ‘complete’, whereas males are encouraged to achieve so much more (cue Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s quote featured in Beyonce’s ‘Flawless’). But I’m not here today to relate this subject to feminism or how men and women act or are teated differently with regards to being single. I just want to talk about how single life isn’t actually the terrible demon it’s made out to be (especially around February the 14th where you’re seen as sad and pathetic if you don’t have a bae to share it with).

We all know about the history of marriage and how it was more of a social duty as opposed to something done purely for love. Whether it was to protect a bloodline, exchange wealth or grant property rights, for centuries couples have wed for many a reason other than love. Even now in some countries, women are married off in exchange for some kind of payment. Although most couples in western countries are now marrying for love, it’s still common for people to settle despite not being 100% sure about or happy with their partner (supposedly 42% of marriages now end in divorce, so what does that tell ya?). Of course, biologically we are essentially just made to reproduce so the need to find someone makes sense with regards to churning out as many bubas as you can, but actually staying with one person goes against what is supposedly natural. If anything, it would make more sense to just sleep around and not settle down, but having multiple sex partners, especially if you’re female, is seen as such a shameful thing (to which I say ‘fuck that, do you you boo’).

"It takes a strong person to remain single in a world that is accustomed to setting with anything just to say that they have something”.

Anyway, you didn’t come here for a history lesson or to have stats thrown at you. I just wanted to remind you that you don’t need to have someone for the sake of having someone.  Why does it seem like the only thing in the world that we ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO DO is find love? And why is it that if you don’t find love then there’s definitely something wrong with you and not that you actually just enjoy your own company or time with friends and family more than with someone who doesn’t help you be a better version of yourself? So again, I say FUCK THAT. If you took love and relationships out of the equation, it gives you so much more time and effort to focus on other incredible things you can achieve!
What I’m trying to say is that, despite what many songs claim, the world does not revolve around love. In the wise words of Michel de Montaigne, a philosopher with a lovely moustache and a rather grand ruff that I discovered on a dodgy quote website, ‘the greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself’ and once you belong to yourself you can choose to let someone else in and share the wonder that is you, or alternatively can stay belonging to yourself, not answering to anyone and making decisions that always puts number one first. I’m in no way saying that no one should find love and that if you’re in a relationship that you need to get out before you become part of the 42%-divorce-rate-gang. If you’re happy then I’m happy for you. This post is just focussed at those who are single at the moment and are thinking of it as the worst thing in the world. You don’t tell yourself you’re a pathetic human who is failing at life for not having that particular jumper you want, so why put yourself down for not having that particular partner? People say ‘oh you’re so wonderful, I can’t believe you don’t have a boy/girlfriend’, but they wouldn’t say ‘oh you’re so wonderful, I can’t believe you don’t own a house’. Two different goals, but you’ve simply been conditioned to think that one thing is more important than another. Why not brush off what everyone else believes and decide for yourself what is the most important thing for you to grow and become the best person you can be? If you still believe that finding love is than, then I encourage that. But if, like me, you’re in the mind set that factors like health and work are what is going to be most productive for you at this time, then focus on that.
In the meantime I’ve made a little playlist of my favourite ‘fuck yeah I’m single’ songs that I highly encourage you to strip down into your underwear and dance in front of the mirror to. Trust me, you’ll feel absolutely fucking fabulous.

hat*, lotd
belt, primark
boots, new look



  1. I like to peruse fashion blogs now and then and see what kinds of styles men and women throw together and try to get inspiration. The last thing I typically find is something so poignant and out of left field (for what I'd expect).

    I have been in love with love for as long as I can remember and the end of my last relationship some years ago really took the wind out of me. I never felt pressured or rushed to jump into a relationship with someone else but always felt thus deep cutting drive to find someone and settle down. Despite how terrible it is to compare yourself to the status of others, as more of my friends marry up and have kids it gets harder and harder to shake the sense that I am getting left behind.

    I have always tried to downplay the role and value of love in my life to try to convince myself that nothing is wrong with being single and that it is an opportunity for growth and such opportunities rarely come around while in a relationship.

    Anyway, I very much appreciated every word and the sincerity implied by its contents. I hope you actually manage to become a more active blogger as I should like to read more of what you've got to say.

    All the best.

  2. I too still visit! Enjoy your break💜


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