12 November 2017


To me the idea of moving back home had always been a negative thing. It’s something that I’ve wanted to avoid at all costs ever since I first moved away to uni five years ago as I associate it with failure. Failure to ever leave home. Failure to successfully live alone. Failure to cope away from home. Whatever it was, I always thought 'living at home' = negative.

I was talking to a friend recently about living at home and how he had recently moved back with his parents too after not feeling 100% when living on his own. I was saying to him how what used to be something I thought of as moving backwards in terms of life progress, is now it’s something I consider moving forward.

"If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change"  
Dr. Wayne Dyer

When I was living on my own down in Falmouth, I had to pay for rent, water, electricity, gas, internet, insurance, my phone bill, my laptop instalments, travel, council tax, food, and more. And let me tell you, doing that on a minimum monthly pay slip is pretty shit. More often than not I would find myself stressing out about money, how I'd go about getting more so I didn't have to borrow money for the um-teenth time from my mum just to get by (spending money on clothes and fun stuff? HAHA HELL NO GIRL, it ain't happening) and wondering when my pain-in-the-ass relationship with money would just chill for a sec. 

For many other reasons as well as the crappy monthly situation as explained above, I finally had an epiphany moment and decided it was time. My best friends were off travelling, the let on our flat was up, it was coming up to winter (the worst time for my depression as, from what happened last year, I thought it wouldn't be wise to be alone). Everything pointed to moving home. I also worked out how much I spent on just rent in one year and how much I'd save on everything if I came home, genuinely laughed out loud a huge 'HAH' and texted my mum to tell her I was returning. 

"There are always flowers for those who want to see them" 
- Henri Matisse

Since moving back, everything hasn't been as I had hoped in terms of saving loads of money, working lots, seeing friends all the time, etc. But holy smoketicles, my mind and meatal health is just fab! Every year for the past god-knows how many, by now I should be on the maximum medication I can possibly be and yet still feel depressed, miserable, suicidal, and have absolutely no lust for life. But today I am only taking one pill (which to be honest could probably be even less), forever smiling for no reason other than for getting random bursts of excitment and happiness, and am just in such an incredible, positive place. It's a bazare feeling, but fuck me I am LOVING IT!

To me, it's all about silver linings. I genuinely believe everything in this world has a silver lining from my mum's cancer - it meant she had to leave work, but decided because life it too short to be in an office all day, is now in her third year of getting a Fine Art degree; to my full blown mental break down last year (that I may talk about soon) - it meant when I finally got through it, I became the most confident, strong and independant version of Alex I could possibly be and resulted in me absolutely fucking loving myelf and everything I'm about.

You just have to find the silver linings.

Flare sleeved body - Missguided
Shoes* - Spy Love Buy
Trousers, belt and neckplace - unknown
Photography - Laura Bailey 


  1. I’m very proud of you. And so happy you live down the road now! I love being at home too! Christmas time will be magical 💋

  2. Stylish and feminine! I like it very much :)


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